My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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