I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
