If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
be right there i have to get my cape
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
