Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
its liver damage thursday
Randomize