I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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