Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
