3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
