Where did you get a picture of my penis
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
