Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
