So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
