Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
