i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
