I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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