i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
