I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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