I hate all girls vehemently.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
