We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
