I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
