How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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