Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I will pee on everything he values.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
