The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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