My sheets look like a crime scene.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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