she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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