i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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