No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
