I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
