I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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