I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
