A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
