a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
