Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
