there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
