It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
