I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
