I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
