He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
