I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
