You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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