With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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