I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
