Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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