I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pants are for mortals
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
