we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
