Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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