What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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