the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
