I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
