You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
