wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
