and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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