I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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