I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
