I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
