Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't deserve a penis
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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