Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
