she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
