now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
