So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
zippers are such a cool invention
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
