And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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