Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
