She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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