This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
