Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
