i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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