why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
