She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
